benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
