Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
