why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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