i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
