idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
