Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
