So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
