so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
