I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Even the bartender felt bad for me
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
