how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
