So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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