PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
