We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
