im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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