operation have a gay friend backfired
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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