C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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