**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
