You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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