She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
