I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
