I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
