She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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