he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
