There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
