I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
