she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
