Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
