Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
