Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
