Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
