She is in my trunk
literally had 100 drinks last night.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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