You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
This beer is not sobering me up at all
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
