I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
