this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
