i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
