Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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