I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
