Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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