zippers are such a cool invention
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
