my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
