Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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