What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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