First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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