Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
