also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
