Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
