I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
