this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
