dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
