plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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