yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
